August 13, 2006

The Soooooooultaker

There is no Stairway to Heaven.

Soultaker was a direct to video release in 1990-1991. It won the Saturn Award in 1992 for Best Genre Video Release. It's God-awful, and only noteworthy due to its being shown on Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1999). Soultaker "starred" Joe Estevez (younger brother of Martin Sheen and uncle of Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen) in the title role. He pretty much spends the entire movie with this crazed, expressionless demeanor (I guess this is what a soultaker is supposed to look like):

It co-starred Robert Z'Dar as "Angel of Death." This gentleman has had a career as an actor for one primary reason. See if you can figure out what it has been:
Click to enlarge

Crow: He's like a catcher's mitt with eyes!

Other than a catcher's mitt, he reminds Tom Servo of Michael Learned:
Miss Michael Learned

They (Mike and the 'bots) finally agree he most resembles Paula Cole, which as you can see from this picture, is fairly accurate:
The convoluted mess of a screenplay was written by Vivian Schilling, who also plays the part of "Natalie." Mike and the 'bots keep confusing her with Tonya Harding. Here is a moment in the movie she wrote for herself, which is actually a long sequence, we'll call "the creepy, strange, hilarious bath sequence":
Besides being the first episode of the great series' last season, this particular MST3K episode featured the return of Joel. Here is a little bit of that "historic" occasion:


charley said...

Thanks for pointing the way: gotta get my hands on this turd.

Fuzzball said...

You need to come to Houston so that we can have a giant movie marathon of Star Wars and MST3000.

I'll supply the movies and popcorn and you bring the light sabers!

Fuzzball said...

Oh my god wait that came out wrong. I meant the light sabers that we talked about here. Not the *wink wink nudge nudge* light saber. Oh hell now I'm blushing.

Chris said...

charley--I'd only watch the MST3K version, but it's laughably bad, either way! There's much more to "enjoy" than I mentioned.

fuzzball--You were obviously referring to my elegant weapon for a more civilized age (not as clumsy or as random as a blaster). The giant movie marathon sounds like fun! Where exactly is Houston, again? ;)