Louis Armstrong and the Suzy Cute doll

Almost as bizarre as the Jimi Hendrix Experience opening for The Monkees on their 1967 U.S. tour, here is Louis Armstrong in a 1964 Suzy Cute toy commercial. Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong is widely considered to be the most important jazz musician to have ever lived. It is reasonable to believe popular music would be completely different had he never picked up a trumpet. 1964 was the year his version of "Hello Dolly" went to #1. So why would he have agreed to do this commercial? It seems demeaning, but what do I know? For better or worse, it would appear (based on the recording of this ad lib/rehearsal of the "Suzy Cute" jingle from this site) that Armstrong was directly involved in its creation.The money must have been good!


Here Louis, lend your talent and fame to this little tiny doll:

"You press her tummy, her arms go up!"

It just seems wrong somehow...


Why Louis, why?


There's nothing little white girls love more than sweaty black men and New Orleans-style jazz!

All hail King Ding Dong

Waffle Whiffer has the lowdown on a childhood favorite - Hostess ® Ding Dongs ® (drool). I wish I could still eat that kind of junk and not feel bad about it! Having a Ding Dong was like a decadent luxury when I was a kid. And twinkies? Fuggedabout it.

I remember this Ding Dongs commercial from the early '70s:


"This must be King Ding Dong's castle!"
"Look at all those Ding Dongs!"

You just couldn't do that today.

There's more of that kind of thing at the Waffle Whiffer Zone.

When TV networks were king, and viewers suffered

Hey, Philip Michael Thomas, what's on NBC, Friday night?
On Knight Rider, a situation in which any one of us could easily find ourselves, at any moment:

"Michael and Bonnie are trapped in a woman's prison with only one way out..."
I hate when that happens! I think Michael got the better end of the deal, though:
Herr David Hasselhoff--what a career he's had! Who would've thought back then he'd still be around? He was one of the best things about Click (other than Kate Beckinsale), and I say it's officially time we all give him a break.

"Then the Misfits of Science must team up with a super secret agent or die spying." Ooh, that's just bad.
Misfits of Science was really an awful show, significant only because it was Courtney Cox's first big gig after appearing in Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" video, and it starred Dean Martin's son, Dean-Paul Martin.
Based on the quality of the clip NBC used for this promo, apparently a mitochondria also made occasional appearances:
This episode really was its best work. I couldn't find an IMDb entry for it, but I did manage to track down this picture:

Dean-Paul had a short life, but what a life! In addition to being the son of Dean Martin, and growing up around guys like Sinatra and Sammy Davis, Jr., he was a member of the 1960s pop/rock band Dino, Desi & Billy and made an attempt at an acting career (appearing in films such as 1979's Players, in addition to crap like Misfits of Science). He was married to Olivia Hussey, who portrayed Juliet in Franco Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet.

Romeo: O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!
He was also married to Dorothy Hamill. It was good to be Dean Martin's son!

But perhaps the most amazing thing about Dean-Paul's life (and a reflection either of incredible bravery, nepotism, stupidity, ego, or guts) was he became a pilot with the US National Guard in his mid-thirties. Tragically, he died at 36 after crashing into this mountain:
Mount San Gorgonio, California
Coincidently, Frank Sinatra's mother, Dolly, died in a plane crash on the very same mountain, in 1977, ten years earlier. I no lie.

What's on next, Philip Michael Thomas??
Oh, look(!), it's your show:"Crockett gets a chance to bust G. Gordon Liddy."
Only in the 1980s could someone like G. Gordon Liddy have a career as a TV villain.
Don Johnson's gut also made an appearance in that episode: Thank you, Philip Michael Thomas!
See for yourself:

Pork and beans

My source material for this, my previous one, and at least one more post, comes from a videotape containing a typical Monday evening TV viewing on NBC, circa December 1985. You can see from the screencaps and YouTube video that the cable reception wasn't perfect, and there are "ghost images." It's funny, but I don't remember it ever bothering me. We were most likely happy to get cable in our area (Galveston, Texas), period. But I apologize for the quality.

Ah, the "good old days" (for the purposes of this post, the 1980s), when the average person hadn't yet heard about stuff like trans fats, and Eric Schlosser's excellent, eye-opening expose of the fast food and meat packing industry, Fast Food Nation, had yet to be published. No one had yet seen the documentary Super Size Me. There were calorie counters and fitness enthusiasts, but most people didn't realize, or care to accept the facts about, the physiologically harmful effects of fast food.

Today, Wendy's has their Frescata Sandwiches, which are very tasty, and after eating one, you don't feel the same way as you would after eating a burger and fries (i.e., bloated, lethargic, heart pounding due to all the sugar, etc.). I'm sure the Frescata is also laden with calories (especially if you order a combo with fries and a drink), but it seems like an effort is being made by Wendy's to serve "healthier" food. Back in 1985, Wendy's was all about the gluttony and piling on the calories:

Let's take a closer look at that, shall we?
First of all, what the heck is happening here?:That little boy is looking deep into the eyes of madness.
If they'd actually exchanged bitten off pieces of hot dog from open mouth to open mouth, using only their lips and tongues, that wouldn't have been any less disturbing. It's like an ice breaking activity at a Super Adventure Club meeting.


On to the truly nauseating aspects:
I am not a vegetarian, and despite the urban legends about the ingredients of hot dogs, I do eat them. But that one doesn't look very appetizing. First of all, was it even possible to fit it into your mouth without most of the fixings falling into your lap or on your shirt? I doubt many people attempted to consume one while they were driving. The real clincher for me though (in terms of revulsion), are the beans. I can't imagine putting that into my body. Looking at the picture gives me heartburn.

That just makes me feel sort of inadequate and insecure.
There is nothing quite like a little hot dog with your relish and onion. Wendy's must have had a full-time medical staff on hand to deal with all the cardiac arrests.
Based on the display models used in this commercial, I bet there's a hot dog under all that.
This brings to mind an image forever burned into my psyche:
But Wendy's can't be blamed for that, unlike this:
Yuck. Just, yuck. No thanks. If I'm remembering correctly, Wendy's used to have a vat of that stuff (chili?) sitting out all day, under those sneeze guards, next to the salad bar. That obviously brings to mind:
Of course, some people like their Wendy's chili with a little extra meat.

Bon appétit

Twinkles commercial #2

As I quoted in a previous post about Twinkles cereal, it was: "The only cereal in the storybook package". Twinkles was the first cereal named for its character. Twinkles were star-shaped. Tick Tock Toys has a great gallery of Twinkles cereal boxes and more.

I've got the slows

The solution to the baseball steroid controversy has been right under our noses all along. Who knew?
Poor Jimmy is a little anemic. I suspect a smidgen of the runs, as well. But pump some Nestle's Quik into the boy, and, voila, he's dancing as fast as he can.
The cheerleaders are not impressed, Jimmy!
Jimmy, are you queer?
Jimmy may be buckling under the pressure of the expectations of white, middle-class, American conservatism of the 1960s.
Was ist das problem, wimp?
Here you go, kid. The first one's free.



Too bad he later dies in Vietnam.
We'll star in Enzyte commercials forty years later!!!!
I'm left with a profound feeling of sadness due to the tragedies that could have been avoided if only the miracle of Quik had been better known.